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Celebrating Life

July 18, 2018

 

Let me tell you why I celebrate the entire month of July and not just the 13th (my birthday). 

 

There are so many other victories associated with my life to merely allocate one day to rejoice. For years I've suffered in silence. People have always looked at me as "funny acting", moody, "some-timey", and many other things that I don't necessarily want to identify with. 

 

But let me just say this... depression is real.

 

Depression manifests itself in so many different ways; it's not even funny. When I couldn't talk to those around me due to fear of rejection, judgement, and potential backlash, I felt forced to simply keep quiet. I felt it was best for me to pretend to be doing just fine. You have no idea how much I have pain I have masked with laughter. I have self-medicated in ways that I'm not proud of... but those ways got the job done!

 

For years, depression ruled my life... and you want to know what was the worst part?

 

People would always tell me to look for the light at the end of the tunnel. Well, I couldn't even process where or what the tunnel was! So how was I going to take heed to the most encouraging words that people would consistently think to say to me, without being able to identify the subject?

 

It then became really clear that it was time for me to be real with myself!

 

In doing so, I identified triggers, problems areas, and people and things that were not benefitting my life... and REMOVED them! I changed my mindset and got my shit together. I took control and took back my life. Is everything perfect? No. Do I still have "moments?" Hell yea! But I'm comfortable enough to invest and believe in me! I've done what I needed to do to get back on track; however, I work every single day to stay on track.

 

So one measly day out of the year is not enough time to celebrate my birth, my life, and all of my victories. I'm celebrating the fact that I sought help, became transparent, and changed my mindset. So my celebration is about me taking my life back. It's about me realizing how beautiful I am on the inside and outside. And it's about me utilizing the gifts that God has blessed me with to help somebody else.

 

So you tell me... is one day enough time to celebrate my life? Or should I use the entire month of July to turn up?

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